Here, There, and Everywhere

Since our house is still full of boxes and a general embarrassment, we try to do as much as we can on the weekends to unpack, go through our junk, and finish projects.  This past weekend was not one of those weekends.  This is one of the few times of year that the weather is dry and the temperatures not too hot, so we tend to talk ourselves out of doing housework quite easily.  Every year, the Johnson Space Center teams up with local chamber of commerce and put on the Ballunar Festival and Open House.  Hot air balloons from all over the country come to race, compete in precision landing contests, and provide a lot of cool photo opportunities.

Along with that, the space center opens its doors for one day and anyone can come in and see their tax dollars at work.  M and I are both badged, but we have never really taken the kids into some of the buildings.

First, there was a lot of pointing and yelling of E's favorite phrase "what's that???"

Then we got hungry, so there was roasted corn

After watching parachuters and amateur rocket launches, we headed to Building 2 where there are some really awesome murals depicting what lies in store for NASA - policing the heavens in tight pants.

The kids decorated a paper shuttle with beads and I looked up at this thing

They used it as an earth bound simulator for the lunar lander during the Apollo era.   Pretty wild, huh?
After a quick stop for food, we headed to Building 9.  Now, I know that many will argue that Mission Control is the coolest place to go, but I think Building 9 is my favorite.  The Space Vehicle Mockup Facility (SVMF) is a building full of space station modules, shuttle simulators, and robots.  Astronauts learn how to fly the shuttle and find out where they will get to store their stuff if they're on the Space Station.

We got a nice family photo

...and E continued to ask "what's that??"

L introduced himself to Robonaut I,

 

......and got to climb around on the Lunar Electric Rover (LER).

It was a great day, but a little bittersweet.  Soon they will be dismantling the shuttle mock-ups and shipping them to museums.  The LER has nowhere to land right now and things couldn't be more uncertain for our space program.  I realize that because we live and work in this area and our jobs are tied to NASA , its budget woes surround us everyday.  I also know that most people don't give it a second thought.  I saw L and E's faces when we took them into that building and I know that if we could just show people how much there is left to learn and how exiting it is, we would have a chance to become explorers once again.  This is truly inspiring and there just isn't enough of that is our world right now.

30 Posts in 30 Days?

I must be crazy, but I decided to sign up for NaBloPoMo, or National Blog Posting Month.  I've been busy and uninspired lately, and maybe this will help.  My blog means a lot to me and my small, but loyal, band of readers are really important to me, too.  Some goals I have:

1) Try not to whine too much
2) Try not to make every post about the kids

That being said, I think my next post will be about out insane weekend and how much fun it was.  Prepare yourself.

What are some subjects I should write about?  Any ideas?

I might just post some pictures of butter.......

Ok, here we go.......

School Days

One of my favorite books to read is the Oxford English Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes edited by Peter and Iona Opie.  I realize that it sounds weird, but go and check out this book.  It is fascinating.  Each rhyme is researched.  The Opies found no connection between Ring Around the Rosie and the bubonic plague.  Rain Rain Go Away is traced back to ancient times.  If I had to pick a job, I would love to have had theirs.  They basically researched and studied the child to child transfer of rhymes and games and well as the sociology of the playground.  Have you ever watched kids play or make up games?  Their rules and standards of behavior are incredibly complex.  If you ever have a chance to read The People in the Playground, that is another fascinating read. 

I was an elementary music teacher for six years.  I always thought I would end up a band director, but in my junior year I was connected with the Kodaly (pronounced co-dye) approach to teaching and my world opened up.  The approach included researching folk music, which meant researching actual field recordings and the history of a song.  I loved it.  I spent hours in the library.  It was heaven.  Eventually, the stress of teaching in inner city schools and dealing with constant funding shortages made me reconsider my career choice.  When you teach small children all day an office job can look pretty appealing, even if you don't get the summers off.  So, I left.  Almost randomly I chose HR as my new career, enrolled in graduate school for an HR degree to help my career and I was off.  When I started having kids, I knew that going back to teaching music would be financially risky, so I did the grown up thing and stuck with Human Resources.

Five years later, after taking one or two classes at a time and the equivalent of two years off to have kids, I am looking at my last year of school.  I was not meant for business school and trying to do it while working full time and raising two small children has almost put me over the edge.  I fantasize about quitting or getting a letter from the dean saying that there's been a mistake with my credits and I get to graduate next semester. Oh, the joy!!  None of that is happening.  In fact, this semester has been......I can't think of the right word.....torture.  My working group for class has been a nightmare which culminated last night with one member dropping the course two hours before our project was due without turning in his work. 

I think my anger comes from a resentment of my own choice.  I look up at my bookshelf and see my Lomax collections and that is what I want to study, not benefits and compensation.  Don't get me wrong, there is a lot about HR that I like, but the satisfaction that I felt when I was teaching just isn't there.  Life is basically on hold until I finish this degree and then I can go back to reading things that I like to read.  I can finally put together baby books for my kids, learn to sew, and start working out again.  I can have my life back.

I'll tell you one thing - as soon as I graduate I am throwing one hell of a party and you are all invited. 

35 and Counting

I used to really look forward to my birthday, but the past few years have been different.  I guess the biggest change is the fact that I have two small children that take up pretty much every piece of my time and energy.  The other factor is that as you settle in to family life, your priorities change and so does your social life.  Happy hours are no more and weekends are planned around a trip to the zoo, and that's ok.  In fact, it's wonderful.

I don't know if it was the number I got hung up on or all of the "I thought my life/career/whatever would be different" thoughts that seem to appear around this time, but I was sort of dreading this birthday.  Last year I was still in my early 30s.  Now, I am entering my late to middles.  I get called "ma'am" a lot more than I used to and no one asks for my ID when I get a drink.  There is no use pretending that I am young.  Now, I'm "relatively young". 

The day itself was a total bust.  The company I work for was processing employees who were being laid off, so it was a very somber day in HR.  Along with my employer, some of the biggest space program contractors were laying off in the hundreds. Everyone had their head down the whole week as the sadness of what is being done to our human space flight program started to hit home.  I was not surprised when my boss and co-worker both forgot my birthday.  I was actually kind of glad. How can you have cake and balloons as you tell someone how to apply for unemployment?

Thankfully, it got better.  M was given two tickets to see the Astros vs Cubs (my favorite team) and the seats were very fancy at club level.  He also booked a night at The Inn at the Ballpark, which is directly across from Minute Maid Park and very nice.  We could practically touch the stadium from our window.



Everything at the hotel was baseball themed, including the coasters!



The seats weren't so bad, either.



It was a beautiful night and watching my Cubbies win with the roof open made for a perfect evening.

My parents came to town and watched the kids overnight so we could stay and we both woke up feeling a little less stressed and a lot more relaxed.  It's amazing how just one night away can give you the breather you need. We needed that time for us.

The next day we went to our friend Dom's house who, as usual, cooked all day and roasted two turkeys.

One was smoked with pear stuffing



The other was oven roasted and chili rubbed.  Yes, it was amazing.



There are certainly things I wish were different in my life.  I wish I was done with grad school and I wish I had time to really unpack and get the house in order.  Hell, I wish I weighed ten pounds less than I do.  What if I got all of those things?  Would I just wish for more?  The present is where I should try to spend most of my time.  There will be days that utterly suck, but there will always be joys within those days.  I will still have hugs and kisses from my kids, laughter with M, and white wine in the fridge.  I can watch TV on command for heaven's sake.  How bad can life be?




Not bad.  Not bad at all.

A Weekend of Hope

I never really thought about what it would be like to be a young widow until a day in the late spring of 2008 when I came across Matt's blog.  It's amazing to look back and see how far we have come since a group of people scattered across the country started helping a scruffy looking new widower and his beautiful little girl.

This weekend I left my family in Houston and traveled to Minneapolis for The Liz Logelin Foundation's Celebration of Hope and 5K.  It was amazing to see friends that I count among my closest and to meet many people in person for the first time.

 

The Celebration of Hope was a fun and inspiring event.  I was able to meet some of the widows and widowers that have applied for help and I was humbled by their stories. Much like last year, it was a night of tears, laughter, and amazing people. 

The morning of the 5K was sunny and cold.  It was a great day for an outdoor event!

Danielle and the dedicated volunteer army did a fantastic job planning the 5K. This was the first year that we hired a race coordinator and certified the course.

Generous sponsors donated power bars, water, and even ice cream! The Robot was there, too, if course.

Kelly got to start the race with the air horn, and they were off!

The first place runner came in at about 19 minutes, I think, which sounds insanely fast to me.  It was a wonderful and amazing day.  The temperatures were quite cool by the time we packed everything up, so we decided to warm up with some cheese curds. (Yes, they were very good.)

The Liz Logelin Foundation is unique in that it does not put stipulations on how grant money is spent and it doesn't judge the relationship that made the applicant a widow or widower.  Partners and fiancees are welcome to apply.  They just want to help a grieving families with children.  The people that need help are your neighbors and your coworkers.  They sit next to you in church and on the subway.  They pass you in the grocery store.  The next time you read an article about someone who has been killed and has a family that mourns them, think for a few minutes about how life would change for your family if something tragic and unforeseen happened to you or your spouse.  The LLF wants to bring hope to people that grieve and have to keep going for their kids.  I am so proud to be a part of that.  It has been deeply humbling and I hope that it continues to grow.

The online auction is still going, so please check out the items and bid if something catches your eye.  You can also donate here.

Show and Tell: Little Owls and Purses

 Every day when I pick up the kids I also get a sheet of paper with all of  E's information for the day.  It tells when when and what she ate, when she slept, things she needs and a few sentences about something she enjoyed doing that day.  For the past few weeks, her teacher has written about her love of the dress up corner.  "E enjoyed wearing hats and carrying a purse."  So, since every little girl should have a purse, I decided to buy some for play at home.  I didn't want to just go out and buy something that everyone else had, so I turned to a very talented seamstress, Sarah.  (Seriously, she does amazing work.)

The package arrived yesterday with two adorable purses made with beautiful fabric.  Along with the purses cam two gorgeous little owls!  Owls have a special meaning to us because our last name means owl in Polish.  I have been trying to find things with owls and squirrels (E's nickname is little squirrel) for her room and have also tried to add them to L's, as well. These are perfect.  I knew they were a bonus, though, because I didn't order them.  It turns out that my dear friend and talented yogini, Teal, and her husband Mike commissioned them for the kids.  I was so touched. 

Working full time with two kids can make you feel a little isolated from your friends, but when you get reminders that someone special is thinking about you and your family it makes the distance seem nonexistent.  I love the purses and the owls just as I love and appreciate the people that sent them. 

For more Show & Tell go here!

My Bum Ticker

I have accepted the fact that stress is a part of my life.  Isn't it a part of everyone's?  At least ten times a day I hear people referring to it: I am so stressed!  This is really stressing me out!  So, I plug along with my own little (ok, large) bag of stresses, like kids, work, lack of sick leave, and a house that seems to become messy as soon as you clean it.  A few weeks ago, as I lay in bed, my heart decided to take up acrobatics as a hobby.  It is the most disconcerting feeling when you have a palpitation, and I was having many of them.  I tried my deep breathing and drinking more water, but they continued.  It dawned on me that I was due for my one year follow up with the cardiologist after the postpartum troubles I had last year.

My cardiologist is ok.  He's not the best doctor I've ever had, but he'll do for now, but I think I'll get a new one soon. I made my appointment and was hooked up to various devices and given an echo cardiogram (heart ultrasound).  When I reported my palpitations, they decided to monitor me for 24 hours.  While I waited for the PA to come back with my monitor, I got to look at this lovely work of 3-D art on the wall.  I think it's supposed to be soothing.

I got a bunch of sensors stuck to me, the PA got to see me in my bra (lucky him), and I had to carry a device about the size of a handheld tape recorder with a compact flash card inside to record data.  I looked quite bionic.

That thing was a huge pain in the ass.  It was uncomfortable, the adhesive on the sensors made me itch and sleeping with it was not fun. I really feel for the people that have to do the 48 hours monitoring.  As soon as I could, I turned it back in and about a day later I got a call from the PA that saw me in my bra.  He said they recorded episodes of sinus tachycardia (rapid heartbeat) that coincided with my episode journal and I needed beta blockers.  I tried to ask questions, but he was clearly following orders, so I just told him "ok" and hung up.  I'm not taking any pills until I talk to the doctor, but I have a stress test next week so it will be a little while.  It boggles my mind that they are willing to give pills to a healthy, 34 year old non-smoker without even trying to address issues such as caffeine, stress, or other environmental factors.

As annoyed as I was with the system, I was at least smart enough to realize that this is a wake-up call.  I see moms with more kids and more worries that seem to handle life better than I do.  I don't know what it is about me that makes the stress levels get to this point, but I know it's something I need to be more aware of.  I've already cut back my caffeine intake quite a bit (ouch), I have ordered some yoga DVDs, and I have asked M to help with more things around the house, which he is always willing to do.  Small changes can lead to long term changes, so that's what I'm going to try.  I need to find a way to see the joys in life even when things get stressful.  I have a lot to be joyful about.

P.S. We still have a lot of boxes to unpack. Any volunteers?