April Update - Stalled

If you want to know more about The Plan and why I'm doing this, go here! You can also visit The Plan's blog!

April was an ok month, but by the end I just sort of felt like I wasn't really getting anywhere.  From a weight loss perspective, I didn't lose at all.  I am trying really hard to get back into my eating routine, which is not where I am now.  I did continue the running and it is going pretty well.  I haven't run in a week because of a nasty cold, but I will simply repeat the last week and go from there.  That is one of the nicest features of the Couch to 5K.  It allows life to happen while you're training!

We have made a committment to work really hard on unpacking boxes and sorting throughout junk.  I took several bags of clothes to the Goodwill and mailed a lot of baby and maternity clothes to people I know who can use them.  We still have a long way to go, though, and I have to try very hard not to get overwhelmed by that.  Family time has been going well.  We went to the zoo last weekend and L hugged a "dolphin".

                                                          

A good time was had by all.

I am hopeful about this month, mainly because BOTH kids are sleeping through the night.  That's right.  It is a day that I never thought would come, but miracles do happen.  Actually, getting E to sleep through the night was easy.  There were a few cry-it-out sessions, but after two nights, she was fine.  L has finally adjusted to his new bed and room. He does have bad dreams, sometimes, but he's not up two or three times a night like he used to be.  It is amazing how the knowledge that you will get to sleep without interruption improves your outlook and ability to handle just about everything.  I didn't list it as a goal, but I'm writing about it because I think it qualifies a a major accomplishment!!

Ok, the goals for May:

1) Get back to clean eating. I want to recommit to my points plan and identify the things that cause me to make bad eating choices.

2) Keep running!

3)Keep unpacking.  If we can stay focused on the weekend I think we will be set in no time!

4) Scrutinize expenses.  We recently got a terminal diagnosis for our current kid friendly car.  It needs more repairs than it's worth, so we're looking for a low-mileage used vehicle.  We're looking at a Toyota Sienna or a Honda CRV.  We are lucky enough to have money saved for just such an occurrence, but it's still a major money hemorrhage, so I need to examine our expenses this month.  I'm mainly going to concentrate on the grocery bill, since we really don't go out.  I still think we waste too much food and I know that there are things in the pantry that we need to eat.  I was an avid meal planner, but got away from it, so it's time to get back on track. 

What are your goals this month?

The Almost New Me

If you are visiting from ICLW, please read the "about me".  It's great to have you here!!

I never struggled to keep weight off until I was about 30, which was when I got married and got off the pill.  I guess I should have known at that point that something was wonky with my hormones  The second I stopped taking them, I started gaining weight.  Until that time, I was that girl you hated.  I could eat anything and not gain a pound.  I ate like a bird most of the time and never worked out.  Ever.  (I get mad at myself just writing that!)

After L was born I was able to lose the pregnancy weight fairly easily and even lost an additional 15, thanks to Weight Watchers.  It's a different story this time.  E  is 10 months and I am still 6 to 7 lbs away from my initial goal weight and 13 or 14 pounds away from my ultimate, ass-kicking weight goal.  I can see it, I can sense it, but I just can't get there.  I think my lack of motivation is caused by stress, certainly, but some of it is the newness of the struggle.  I don't know how to actually diet.  I am terrible at it.  I have discovered that I have absolutely no willpower.  I don't eat fast food or have a pound of chocolate every night, but I know that the bowl of cereal that I sometimes (ok, often) have at 9:30pm is NOT helping. I like chips and I enjoy adding bacon to my food on occasion. 

This week I start week 4 of the Couch to 5K program.  I have not run on a regular basis since I was in high school and although my almost 35 year old body complains, it's going pretty well.  I am so proud of my dedication to this, if I do say so myself.  If I could just get a handle on the food part, I think I would be in business.  Here are my ideas to kick this into gear:

1) Recommit to Weight Watchers
2) Plan weekly meals again
3) Don't eat unless I'm hungry (this is gong to be really, really hard)
4) Eat fruits and veggies for snacks

So, what else?  Have you done this?  What were your techniques to fight the diet sabotaging urges?

Sisterhood

When I entered the ALI community, I wasn't sure what my journey would be or who I would "meet".  I was fortunate enough to come across JJ's blog and when she organized a group of IF pen-pals, I signed up immediately.  Three years later, my journey has changed quite a bit and I know that I never could have made it without the wonderful Braces Bunch.

As we struggle with sleep issues in our house, I spend most days in a zombie-liek state.  It's Seussgirl to the rescue!  I received a wonderful package in the mail with lots of good things to help me wake up a bit.

                                                       

E tried to take the chocolate covered coffee beans.  Think again, my little night owl!!

                                                       


I am so thankful to have these wonderful ladies in my life.  I count them all as friends and I hope we stay in touch for years to come.  Happy Anniversary, Braces Bunch!!!

Master of None

I never really think about the difference between being a stay and home mom versus a working one.  I know that "mommy bloggers" like to get riled up about it, but as far as I can gather, they are both very hard jobs.  I never really thought I would be good at being a SAHM. I am reserved and it takes me a little while to warm up to people.  I love spending time with my children, but when I see how they have flourished in Montessori school, I wonder if being at home full time would be as beneficial.  I live in an area where being a SAHM is a sign of affluence and something to show off, like a new car. "Oh, look, I can afford to stay at home because my husband makes so much money."   I know it isn't like that in many areas, but in this one, it's as good as getting a new Mercedes or diamond necklace.  I work because, well, I have to work.  I don't have the highest paying job in the world, but I make enough to pay for a daycare that the kids love and to pay for things we need (and some we don't).

Lately, I have thought a  lot about the choices I have made and what it means to be happy vs being fulfilled.  I have been working for my current company for over three years and have been in HR for almost five years. Prior to HR, I was a public school music teacher for six years.  To further my new career, I enrolled in grad school and have been plugging along in between breaks when I had L and E.  I do a good job.  I like HR and I know a lot about it.  Last week, my boss met with me to let me know that I would not be getting the promotion I was expecting.  I wasn't entirely surprised.  If you know me outside of this blog, you know that the industry I work in is going through a big transition and many companies are tightening their belts in preparation for the unknown.  Nevertheless, I was devastated.  I looked back on the weekends that I have worked, the late pick-ups, the schedule juggling, and I wonder if all of that was just wasted time.  I guess I just feel discouraged.  I'm almost 35 and I'm not sure that I'm really that good at my job and I'm not sure that I'm really that good at being a mom, either.  A Jack of all trades and master of none.

I try not to compare myself to others because you never really know what goes on in someone's life, but it's hard not to, sometimes.  I see these people with clean houses, children that sleep, and careers that are on fire I have to wonder:  what are they doing that I'm not?  (I'm also beginning to think that the people who keep telling me "your kids are little, things will get easier" are sorta full of shit.)  Most of the questions I ask myself don't really have answers other than "just wait and see".  In the grand scheme of things, the issues are small.  My disappointment will fade (I hope) and I'll keep looking for a new job or just settle for the one I have now.  I realize that having a job is something to be thankful for in this economy.  All you can do sometimes is stand up, dust off, and keep going.  Maybe I'm not the world's most patient or saintly mom and maybe my kids don't ride around in the fanciest car or have clothes from places other than Target, but I will do everything I can to make sure they know they are loved, because they are.  They are loved more than anything.

                                                           
                                                           

March Update

I am a bit behind, but I seem to be nothing but behind these days!
My goals for March were Start Exercising, Get Everyone Healthy and Get Organized.

I started the Couch to 5K (C25K) a few weeks ago, thanks to Danielle and her inspiring progress!  It has been really nice.  I worked out an arrangement with M where he takes the kids to the neighborhood park so I can meet them there when I'm done.  This is a nice time of year, so the weather has been great.  One of the biggest reasons we bought in our neighborhood was the green belt.  I run through the neighborhood

                                                                

and then it goes around a small bayou.

                                                             

I see people down there all the time, but I think they're crazy because we do get alligators.   It's a nice way to wind down.  When the weather gets too brutal, which it will, I'll have to move my workouts inside.  For now, though, I am enjoying my runs.  It's not as difficult a I thought it would be and I feel great.  I highly recommend the program!

We had a good month, health-wise.  I think that getting everyone outside helped and both kids are really enjoying the weather.  We travels to see my parents for Easter and even got L to collect some eggs at the community egg hunt.  He was so tired from the fun that he fell asleep riding on M's shoulders as we walked home.

                                                        


I got a new dress for Easter and I think I see a bit of a change because of the running! (pardon the blurry phone pic)


                                                            
                                                    

The only ting I did not accomplish was the organizing.  That was a big, giant fail.  So, I will move that to this month's goals, again.

My goals for April are:

1) Keep Running!

2) Get Organized - unpack boxes, unpack boxes and unpack boxes

3) Make more of an effort to spend time as a family at least one day per weekend

4) Start taking more photos

5) Get my garden started

Bored

I've been struggling with feelings of boredom at work.  I know, join the club, right?  I am thankful that I have a job, but I've always wanted to do something more than just keep a seat warm.  For six years I was an elementary school music teacher and it was challenging.  The material and lesson plan research was interesting and the children were definitely a big part of the reason that I was completely exhausted by the end of the day.  When I decided to quit I was so burned out that I didn't care if I ever stepped foot in another school as long as I lived.  I chose HR as my second career because I thought it would be interesting and a fairly smooth transition from education.  Lately, I have found myself thinking about teaching again.  I suppose the schedule is very appealing when you have children, but mostly I miss the feeling that I am doing something.  I miss the feeling that I am actually using my brain and making a difference. 

I am about one year away from finishing a MA in HR and I really don't want to drop out now.  I think that I can help people by working in HR, but my work seems a tad meaningless at the moment.  I am going to try to look for a new job, but with the economy and the space program's budget woes, I'm not sure I will find anything that is as close and convienint.  I will probably end up stayng put and trying to talk to my boss about potenial growth.  I hope I can take on some interesting projects soon.  Being bored makes each day seem like two.

On the home front we had L's 2 year birthday party, which was very nice.  I could tell by the way our livingroom looked afterward that everyone had a good time.

E was 9 months on the 15th and is in the 95th percentile for weight and the 82nd percentile for height.  Yikes. We're working on weaning her from her midnight bottle and hoping she sleeps through the night soon.  

The mountain of boxes from the move has not gotten smaller, unfortunately, and the unpacking fairy that I ordered has not arrived.  I suppose I will have to do it myself.  How disappointing.

Swinging

There were a lot of things I didn't appreciate in my younger days.  I didn't appreciate my wrinkle free skin or my flat stomach.  I didn't appreciate my ability to eat anything and not gain any weight. (Those days are O-VER.)  Most of all, I didn't appreciate my ability to sleep when I wanted.  Tired on a Saturday? Take a nap!  Feel like sleeping in?  Go ahead!  Oh, how recklessly I wasted my opportunities to sleep!  How carelessly I tossed aside a suggestion to "get some rest" or "take a nap." The current me wants to go back and yell at the 20-something me, "You fool!!  Sleep!"

I feel like I will never catch up on sleep. I am obsessed with it.  E still gets up a few times a night, or more, because of teething.  L is still adjusting to his new room and has been waking me up by coming to the side of the bed and handing me his pj bottoms and his diaper.  At 5am.  I feel like I am swinging back and forth on an endless ride of exhaustion, coffee and sugar.  I want to get off.  I want both kids to sleep so that I can sleep.  I hear about people whose kids sleep. Who are they?  How does this happen?  Being this tired is like having super PMS.  It makes you emotional and irrational.  I don't want to get all political, but sleep deprivation is torture, people.  If they need my kids at Gitmo, we may be able to work something out.  One week with my little angels and those terrorists will sing like canaries.