As E's refusal to sleep through the night enters it's fifth month, I am finding it harder and harder to power through the sleep deprivation. There have been mornings when the sound of the alarm clock actually brought tears to my eyes. When I finally drag myself out of bed it is a wild whirlwind of activity as M feeds L his oatmeal, I take care of the baby, M takes his shower and leaves for work and I turn on Curious George so that L is occupied while I slap on some make-up and try to put together an outfit that doesn't make it look like I just crawled out of bed. I have to write everything down at work or else I will forget. I have forgotten and, as a result, been late for two meetings this week. I am no longer fun to be around, not that I go out. If I did, I would be grumpy and probably have mascara on my cheeks from rubbing my eyes. Most evenings I make dinner, eat dinner, do laundry/dishes and then go to bed. M helps, he really does, but sometimes just doing it yourself is easier than telling someone how to do it. I had to ask myself this question: in my quest to be the modern, do-everything-working-mom, have I screwed myself out of getting help from others? Have I locked myself into such a tight schedule and routine that it's difficult to stop and let someone else lend a hand? Will it really, really matter if M picks out E's clothes instead of me???
I knew that I had gotten into a bad pattern when I caught myself stress eating. I never stress eat. I have been known to stress shop, although that has stopped since we're watching our pennies these days. I have been known to bite my nails or make irrational decisions about my hair style, but never stress eat. Without even thinking about it, I ate a box of chocolates that a co-worker was selling as a fundraiser for some little league team. I have been working so hard to lose my pregnancy weight and have made really good strides as I am now only 10 lbs away from my goal and this new hobby of mine could ruin everything. How did I let it get so bad?
Every time you open up a women's magazine you see all of these stress relief tips. You can meditate, count to 10, make a list, breathe a scent, etc.. I only know one person who actually practices meditation to ease stress. One. The rest of us are either ignoring the advice or reading the article while eating fundraising chocolates.
I know I'm not alone and I know that my problems are not special or real problems, for that matter, but I miss who I was. I want my brain back. I want my ability to form a coherent thought back. I need to figure out a way to rise above this and maintain at least a little bit of sanity so that my family won't disown me.
So, what do you do when you are stressed? I mean, what do you really do?
You know the kind of week where everything is taken over by sickness? We were there last week. After dropping off a seemingly healthy L at daycare, I got a call that he was running a temp of 102.5 I was bummed, not just because of the sickness, but because he was due to have his regular flu shot the next day. We took him in, anyway, in the hopes of talking Dr. I into a shot, but one look in his ears and it was a diagnosis of an ear infection. I hate it when the kids get sick because they so rarely do (knock on wood) and I feel like I'm out of my element. As any good 21st century parent would do, I turned to my Twitter friends to help me figure out such things as Tylenol dosage and Motrin use. What did I do before Twitter? I shudder to think.
Besides the stress of having a sick and cranky 20 month old to take care of, there was the stress of who would take off of work. Normally, we rotate or M, who always has more leave, takes the day off. When one day became almost all week, things started to get a little more complicated. What do working couples with habitually sick kids do? How do you avoid the "whose career is more important" showdown? Everything ended up being ok, but I admit that I felt self-conscience coming and going from work. Especially since I am the only one in my department with young kids. I realize that they can't penalize me for a sick child (I work in HR) but the Type-A achiever in me wants to be there 100% for everyone 100% of the time. If I didn't know it before, I certainly know now: that just isn't possible. The ear infection was viral and L finally went back on Friday.
It was a relief to sit at my desk this morning and know that L and E were both happy and healthy at daycare. E passed her 4 month exam with flying colors and weighed in at 17.5lbs and is 25inches long. Whoa. Thankfully, E never got sick (again with the wood knocking) and I am hoping that it will stay that way.
Welcome to my new home. It's weird being here after 2 1/2 years at my other blog, but I view this as a good move. Sometimes it's good to start anew with a fresh outlook. When I read the first entries at the other site it's like I'm reading about a completely different person. That Miss K probably would not relate to the Miss K who is typing very quickly before L wakes up from his Tylenol induced nap. (He's home with an ear infection). Through this blog I've come in contact with mothers and future mothers from all walks of life and in all stages of parenting. Since I started the other blog as a way to reach out when I couldn't get pregnant, I felt that maybe I could morph it into something else. Instead, I have found a new place to write about my day to day struggles/triumphs/neurosis. Thank you so much for coming over and for reading. I have grown very attached to my small group of readers and it means a lot that you would join me here.
If you are wondering about my awesome new header, it was done by my very talented friend, Teal. She is available to do blog headers and if you would like to hire her, you can click on the Blissful Body Yoga icon on the right. You won't be disappointed!