Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Hormones are the Devil

I have really come to hate my hormones.  It was like as soon as I decided I wanted to have children, there they were, mocking me.  Oh, you want to get off of the pill and get pregnant?  Hahahahaha!  Fool!  Now, pull your hair out for six months and have fun with that 52 day cycle.  After I had L, it actually seemed to help things.  It's like the shock of pregnancy evened things out, but that was not meant to last.  After E, my low progesterone screwed my milk supply and when I was finally done with that struggle, I got back on the pill.  I love the pill.  I lost weight and I felt even.  Best of all, I didn't have to face the wonkiness of my hormones.  A few months ago I realized that I couldn't keep taking those things like I was 25.  I'm 35 and it's time to face the facts that I need to do something more permanent that has fever long term health risks.  M is not keen on getting an operation because of this study and I have given up trying to convince him otherwise.  I am still in the information gathering phase, so we'll see where that takes me.

In the meantime, I am determined to win.  I gave birth to two healthy kids, didn't I?  I lost the baby weight both times, didn't I?  Hormones will not get the best of me.  Some days, though, some days it really feels like they will win.  The second I got off of the pill I gained 7 lbs, which is driving me insane.  I can feel the approaching mood swings when I really feel like crying because we are out of my favorite hummus.  I have devised conversations with myself, where the rational Miss K tells the hormonal Miss K, Calm down.  This really isn't worth getting upset about. This is not really you.  I hate it.  I hate feeling like such a cliche! 

So, to the gym I go.  The battle rages on.  I will win!  I will not let this get to me!  I realize that this isn't a big problem in the grand scheme of things, but I guess I felt like I won the battle with my hormones since I have two beautiful children.  Oh, how wrong I was, but it's not over, yet!

1 comment:

  1. Good luck! Hormones do indeed suck, especially the pregnany variety ;) After I have this baby I'm getting my tubes tied. Good luck in deciding what's best for you!