Always On My Mind

 

 If you did a survey I think you would find that most women are either dieting or think that they should diet.  All of the stats about how we're getting fatter and not exercising at alarming rates is constantly in the news.  Dieting has become a way of life for most people.  It certainly is for me.  Lately, though, I find myself becoming increasingly apathetic towards it all.  Until I was 30 I never had to think about counting calories or worrying about putting on weight.  When I got off birth control so we could start a family, I gained about 15 pounds for various reasons, one of which was a hormone wackiness that I wasn't aware of.  After L was born, I got tired of feeling big and enrolled in Weight Watchers.  It really worked for me and I lost the rest of the baby weight plus the 15 that I gained before I got pregnant.  After E I did the same thing and had great success.  Weight Watchers worked for me because my inexperience with dieting makes me very weak and prone to justifying bad decisions.  I need that structure to help me see the numbers behind the stuff I was eating.  In September I actually saw a number in the 140s, which for my 5'9 frame is a lower number than I had seen in almost 3 years.  

Several weeks ago M and I were looking at ways to cut costs as we face the first round of property taxes in our new home (ouch) and I volunteered to give up my online subscription so we would save the $20 per month.  Every little bit counts, right?  I was about 4 pounds away from my ultimate weight goal, but being on the plan so long, I thought I would be ok without it.  Big mistake.  I can't blame the lack of Weight Watchers for my almost immediate gaining of 6 pounds, but I know it didn't help.  With everything else going on in my life, I just fell into this pattern of "who cares?"  When you have that invisible wife/mother feeling it's really easy to stop caring whether your pants fit or how you look.  I do care, though.  I want to look good, because I want to look good.  When I was young, being attractive was something that came from the outside.  I was attractive because others said I was.  Flawed, yes, but I was in my 20s.  Now, I want to look good because it makes me feel good.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment and purpose.  If I am healthy, I feel better and look better.  It's something I do for myself.

Instead of going to to Weight Watchers I have decided to think about what got me here.  One thing is snacking.  I am such a snacker.  I snack when I'm bored or watching TV.  The bored thing I can battle, but while watching TV is a powerful association.  So, I've either limited the amount of the snack or changed it to a healthier choice.  I am going to back to tracking on The Daily Plate which lets me see the calories, but also the nutritional content.  I can always tell when I've had too many processed food because the sodium goes waaaay up.  It's a great tool if you've never checked it out.  The third factor is exercise.  We run around with the kids and walk to our neighborhood park, but I really don't exercise.  The lack of gym time stressed me out so much that I had to just say "ok, you may not have that luxury until school is over".   After I accepted that, I actually felt a lot better.  Now that the weather is nicer, I anticipate that we will be outside and running around a lot more.

I have ten pounds to go until my ultimate weight goal.  I know I can get there but I'm not going to put a time line on it.  I know that the holidays will involve some indulgences, but getting back in the good eating habit now will make it easier.  I can't promise that I won't cave and have some more of these fried pickles and jalapenos.

 

I'll keep you updated on my progress.